Debra Garfinkle

Friday Five

2009-07-03T23:01:17Z

1. My nine-year-old got a concussion yesterday! He accidentally rammed heads with a bigger kid. Hubby didn't want to take him in, but I kept repeating "Natasha Richardson." So he went to Urgent Care. He's fine now.

2. I'm learning a lot by hearing my twelve-year-old talk to his friends. They mostly talk about girls and body parts. I wouldn't mind never hearing Megan Fox's name again.

3. The nice thing about our kids getting older: Hubby and I have had date night the last four weekends.

4. I got a great idea for another young adult novel. I will work on it just as soon as I revise my chapter book manuscript, get brave enough to get a critique on my picture book manuscript, finish the two partially drafted young adult novels I started, and maybe work on the adult book and middle grade book I have great ideas for.

5. I went to the Mac store yesterday re. my iPhone. There was so much I was clueless about, I asked the worker if I was the dumbest customer she ever had. She said no. I think she was just being polite.

Read All About It

2009-06-29T20:04:57Z

I just spent four days at the National Society of Newspaper Columnists conference. So fun! The speakers were awesome. They included Jon Carroll, who's written a five-day-a-week column for the San Francisco Chronicle for thirty years. I promise to never again complain about finding ideas for my twice-a-month column. I will probably break that promise next week.

Also speaking were Jeffrey Zaslow, Wall Street Journal columnist/The Last Lecture coauthor/very funny and warm man, and Bruce Cameron, funny columnist and successful author of Eight Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter. Most of my three blog readers probably aren't that excited, but the speakers are rock stars to me.

And guess who was an attendee? Heloise! I tossed my red wine on her dress to see if she could get out the stain. Okay, I didn't really do that. Also, I was too shy to talk to her. I should have brought her a nice gift of white vinegar.

I learned a lot at the conference, including that the newspaper business is even worse off than I thought. So many columnists have recently been laid off or taken buyouts. I'm grateful to still have my column and to get paid a little bit for it.

Urbdic

2009-06-24T17:40:37Z

Urb Dic-- Slang I just made up for the slang website urbandictionary.com.

Some of my fave Urb Dic words:
Dudevorce- end of a bromance
Hello list- list of people you say hello to when you pass them in the halls
Sofa king- um, say it fast and it comes out naughty
Floordrobe- clothes piled on the floor
Boyfriend bomb- when a girl you like reveals she has a boyfriend
Showmance- actors' romance for the run of a show
Master debate- um, figure it out yourself
Pregret- regretting something you're about to do anyway

Also (insert witty transition here), I finished drafting a chapter book. Yay! I meant to make it 8,000 words, but it came out 11,000 words. Oh, well. Now I just have to revise it a zillion times, give it to my critique group, and revise it a zillion more times. I think I'm already pregretting it.

deep philosophical musing

2009-06-20T17:45:02Z

Parents, you know how sometimes you'll look at your child and feel overwhelmed with love for the magnificent being you helped create?

This morning, I looked at my pot of coffee like that.

Friday Five

2009-06-19T15:48:12Z

1. After a month or two hiatus, I performed stand-up at my secret dive bar a few days ago and it was really fun. I love hanging around comedians-- even though we're all horribly neurotic.

2. I recently discovered the hilarious "literal videos," like this one for Total Eclipse of the Heart. I also love the You're Beautiful one.

3. Yay! Kathy Griffin's My Life on the D List is on again. She's so funny, and it's so cool to see Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin on her show!

4. By obsessive self-googling, I saw the German edition of my novel Storky had gotten a five-star review on Amazon. Because I'm that needy, I ran the review through a translator and found it very good indeed. A twelve-year-old boy and his mother had both enjoyed it.

5. Yesterday was the last day of school. My kids started arguing as soon as they got home. Oy.

If only I could go back in time

2009-06-14T16:52:54Z

If I could go back in time, I would have deleted my recording of the first episode of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. I want those two hours of my life back! In my defense, I'd never seen The Hills before, thus had no idea of how extremely annoying Spencer and Heidi (Speidi) are. Eww! Ick! Blecch! I am kind of tempted to murder them, but first I'd torture them by making them wear clothes from Walmart or work at Burger King.

Speaking of which, if I could go back in time, I might have convinced myself not to start reading The Stranger Beside Me, which is a nonfiction book about serial killer Ted Bundy. Okay, it's well-written and I couldn't stop reading it, like I couldn't stop watching Speidi, but I've been totally freaked out all week. Every time I see someone standing by herself, I have to force myself not to scream, "Be careful! A sicko could kill you with a crowbar right now just like that!" Now I remember why I had to give up my Stephen King addiction in the '80s and my true-crime book addiction in the '90s.

If you need me, I'll be cowering under my desk while ripping up Speidi pictures.

Haiku Review Zoo

2009-06-10T04:38:12Z

MARCELO IN THE REAL WORLD by Francisco Stork - young adult novel
I’d heard raves for this,
and it is a good novel,
but maybe too hyped?

SAVE THE CAT by Blake Snyder - screenwriting how-to book
Take it from me, a
writing-how-to book addict:
This is excellent.

SWIM THE FLY by Don Calame - young adult novel
A beach read for guys.
It delivers lots of laughs,
so I liked it too

RELIGULOUS - documentary film
One-sided movie
mocking fanaticism.
Bill Maher is smart.

UP! - animated film
Wonderful writing,
great visuals, Ed Asner.
What more could one want?

Friday Five

2009-06-06T00:12:21Z

1. I'm kinda sad to be missing my gazillion-year college reunion this weekend. Anyone who hasn't seen me in a long time, please note that I'm now extremely gorgeous, super wealthy, and beloved by all who know me. And my children are all going to be presidents when they grow up. Good ones.

2. Warning: Reading the big sign in Susan Boyle's hometown, as pictured in People Magazine, might be harmful to a grammar snob's health: "Susan your a super star in our eye's well done." Ow, ow, ow!

3. I started drafting a book ten days ago and it's already halfway done! Okay, I've written 4,528 words, but who's counting, of a children's chapter book. It's going so much faster than my prior 62,000-word young adult novel!

4. Anyone else sick of seeing Jon and Kate plus or minus eight on every single magazine cover?

5. Having own reality TV show: Easiest way to ruin a marriage. E.g., Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, Jon and Kate, and more.

Pics and linkies

2009-06-03T18:23:37Z

The booksigning on Sunday was like a mucho fun party. I couldn't figure out how to upload a pic of all six of us authors, but here, courtesy of Marlene Perez, is the brunette half of us:

Mary Pearson, moi, and Marlene Perez

And here's a link to my talented bro-in-law's new website in which he paints a beautiful picture of a bird every day for 50 days.

And here's a link to my new and hopefully funny column about the soccer tournament I took my son to.

Friday Five

2009-05-29T21:03:06Z

1. The auction to raise money for diabetes research ends Sunday. I'm the high bidder on seven items. Please outbid me! Actually, don't, because I really want them.

2. The auction to raise money for Bridge Zinn closes tomorrow.

3. My son's friend came home from pediatric rehab yesterday and is doing really well.

4. I'm reading a screenplay writing book called Save the Cat which is really useful for novel writing and interesting too.

5. Hubby bought me a huge jar of chocolate covered raisins from Costco, which I love. He's either incredibly sweet or incredibly evil.

Big Booksigning on Sunday! Come by!

2009-05-28T04:52:25Z

Kids say the darnedest things

2009-05-27T02:26:24Z

I spoke about writing and publishing to a terrific group of third graders at Granada Elementary School in L.A., taught by my pal Mark. During Q&A, one of the boys asked, "Why are your pom-poms so big?"

Mark and I had a good laugh!

I'd passed around a picture of myself as a yell-leader in high school, and apparently the pom-poms we used were a lot bigger back then.

Back then, mine were perkier too.

Haiku Reviews

2009-05-25T05:00:33Z

PERFECT YOU by Elizabeth Scott, a young adult novel
Frothy summer read.
The boyfriend’s a Mary Sue.
Still, it’s romantic.

WINTERGIRLS by Laurie Halse Anderson, a young adult novel
Gorgeous and haunting
tale of an anorexic.
This should win awards

IF I STAY by Gayle Forman, a young adult novel
A compelling read.
A girl on the brink of life
and death gets to choose.

INSTANT ATTRACTION by Jill Shalvis, an adult (very!) romance novel
Fun vacation read
featuring hot mountain men
with zero substance.

TOO FAT TO FISH by Artie Lange, an adult (very!) memoir
It’s a funny book.
Though reading about drugs, drugs,
and more drugs got old.

YES, MAN, PG-13 movie
Jim Carrey retread
had some laughs, especially
in the second half.

Friday Five

2009-05-23T04:03:31Z

1. Today I sent my agent the Thing I've Been Working on Forever. Hooray!

2. I took my nine-year-old to visit his friend in pediatic rehab yesterday. The little guy is getting better every day. The boys were so happy to see each other. They played a very long game of War (the card game, not the conflict in Iraq).

3. Speaking of my nine-year-old, he must have heard someone complain about getting a busy signal while trying to vote on American Idol. Here is his latest cute kid comment: "They should have more than one person answering the phones for American Idol." Ahh. Much cuter than my teen, who mostly communicates by slamming doors, and my 12-year-old, who mostly grunts.

4. We're going on a Caribbean cruise this summer! A few years ago, I hid my passport in a very safe place that only I knew about. Yes, I now have no idea where it is. Anyone with a locatable passport want to buy a cruise ticket?

5. I'm always looking for ideas for my Erma Bombeck-ish column. I've been writing it for close to five years, and my idea store has declared bankruptcy. Pleae help.

Friday Five

2009-05-15T17:58:23Z

1. I'm going away again this weekend, to Temecula for 12-year-old's AYSO soccer tournament. I'm looking forward to it, except I'm sooooo close to finally turning in my manuscript to my agent. But I will definitely ~~get rid of~~ send off my ~~wretched~~ beloved novel next week.

2. So Coach finally got voted out of Survivor. I was actually feeling a little sorry for him, until he made that sexist remark about women seeing problems as boulders while men see them as pebbbles. This was after he was kvetching about his back and asthma nonstop, and while hubby was complaining about his cold every 10 seconds, the same cold everyone else, incuding me, has.

3. Me, on the phone to my agent: I want to write more meaningful work.
Agent: You mean not so commercial.
Me: Well, yeah.
Me, talking to myself after the phone call: I really shouldn't have told her that.

4. I've already won one thing in a wonderful auction to raise money for diabetes research and I am the top bidder so far for six other things. I went a little crazy. Please, outbid me! There are great things offered for readers, writers, and everyone, including vacation packages, lots of signed books, and critiques from agents, editors, and writers.

5. Another great auction for a good cause is here.

Just skip this if you're not into reality shows

2009-05-14T13:45:47Z

I'm sad that the three TV shows I watch-- American Idol, Survivor, and Amazing Race-- are coming to an end. Don't judge me. I already know I need a life.

Does having Kris and Adam in the finals of American Idol seem a little deja vu to you? The sweet, cute guy (David Archuleta) and the rocker who takes a lot of chances (David Cook). Both years I rooted for the rocker who takes a lot of chances.

I hope Coach gets voted off Survivor soon because he's so annoying. But then again, he is the most entertaining person on the show.

Remember when Survivor was just starting out, and they'd have a gay guy and it would be this really big deal? Now it's like whatever. Which I think is a good thing. I looked in the dictionary under "closeted gay man," and there was Amazing Race's Victor. By the way, he's a partner at one of the biggest law firms in the country. He needs the prize money like a hole in the head. But I did like him and his lawyer sister. Gotta root for the lawyers.

We knew that Amazing Race's Mel and Mike White are openly gay, but did you know there are two others also? Yep, Kisha and Luke.

Update

2009-05-13T02:45:35Z

My website is back up! Thank you, Greg Fishbone!

Yech/Yay

2009-05-12T17:44:08Z

Yech! Hackers got to my website.

Yay! My website guy is looking into it.

Yech! We drove to Fresno on Friday and hit a ton of traffic.

Yay! We stopped for dinner at Buca di Beppa and got to eat at the table in the kitchen I've always wanted to eat at.

Yech! Fresno had a heat wave while we were there.

Yay! We spent Saturday with our good friends and air conditioning.

Yech! After being hit by a car, nine-year-old's friend was in a hospital-induced coma for close to a week.

Yay! He is recovering.

Yech! Coach is still on Survivor.

Yay! Adam is still on American Idol.

Yech! All three of our kids have to be in different places at the same time today.

Yay! Hubby's going to help get them there.

Friday Five

2009-05-08T20:06:22Z

The very best way to learn how to write novels: Work as a bankruptcy appellate law clerk for Judge Meyers for 8 1/2 years, researching and drafting legal opinions. But hurry! He's retiring soon. How it helped me:

1. Judge Meyers's favorite phrase is "Never assume anything." I learned to check and double-check things before I put them in my drafts. A factual error will take readers right out of the story. And make a judge look bad.

2. He lets lawyers and people representing themselves have their say, then takes it all into account before deciding what to do. Just like I'm a believer in getting my work critiqued and listening to every suggestion, though I don't end up using them all.

3. I wrote about 50-100 pages a month in my job, and never told my boss I couldn't do the work because I was "blocked." Sometimes I have to make myself write fiction too, whether I feel like it or not.

4. Judge Meyers made me revise a lot. Once he had me do 11 drafts of something before he was satisfied.

5. He has a great sense of humor and helped make my job fun.

Non-Friday Five

2009-05-07T05:32:30Z

Some things that cheered me up this week:

1. Hearing my nine-year-old explain the Cuban Missile Crisis while practicing his oral report on JFK. So cute! I had to keep reminding him that it was "Communism," not "Communalism." Interestingly, the children's bio on JFK that he read did not mention Marilyn Monroe.

2. Hanging out with my friend M and her adorable identical twin toddlers.

3. Reading terrific young adult novels: Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson and If I Stay by Gayle Forman.

4. Dog Edna, who follows me from room to room. I love having my own groupie.

5. Adam Lambert of American Idol. I want to be his groupie.

Too angry for a nice post

2009-05-05T17:53:11Z

Listen, please drive carefully no matter how much in a freakin' hurry you think you are. You could hit one of my nine-year-old's best friends, who was with his older brother in a crosswalk while it was still light out, on his way to play handball at the elementary school right across the street from his house. You could break the kid's jaw and give him freakin' brain damage. That is all.

Friday Five

2009-05-02T05:34:53Z

1. I'm behind on emails. And it's not like I'm all popular. Just lazy. I will catch up this weekend for sure. Probably.

2. Here's a wacky thought: Instead of trying to type witty banter on Twitter for your closest hundred acquaintances, maybe pick up the phone and have a meaningful conversation with a friend. Or-- I know this sounds crazy and hopelessly old-fashioned-- talk to someone in person.

3. I caught Hubby on the computer late at night, staring at the video of that woman again. The man is obsessed with Susan Boyle.

4. American Idol, Schmidol. The real exciting question (to geeks like me) is who's going to replace Souter on the Supreme Court.

5. People Magazine didn't have a book review section this week. Did they get rid of it? Say it ain't so!

Thankful Thursday

2009-04-30T17:56:35Z

I'm thankful my son is taking a keyboarding class in middle school and in just a few weeks has almost doubled his typing speed-- from five words a minute to eight! He's a prodigy, I tell ya, a prodigy!

Now I know how O.J. Simpson's fans felt

2009-04-28T22:35:31Z

My favorite book is Catcher in the Rye, which I've read many times. I've also read several biographies of J.D. Salinger and discovered that, well, he's a real weirdo. Sigh.

Ralph Nader changed my life. He spoke to a small group of students at my law school. At the time, I was deciding whether to take the job offer from a big NYC law firm I'd worked for over the summer. It paid very well, but involved long hours helping to represent clients such as a slum lord and a nuclear power plant and a nursing home with a bunch of patient care violations. After hearing Ralph Nader's inspiring talk about not being a sell-out, I turned down the job offer and instead worked as a government lawyer for one-third of the money. It was a good decision. I could look at myself in the mirror without barfing, and I had more free time for things like creative writing. Years later, Ralph Nader probably cost the Democrats the presidential election. So much for him.

And then there's Woody Allen, whose films I love but whose morals I loathe.

Recently, another hero of mine has been relegated to former hero status. I'm sure you know I'm talking about Joan Rivers. I love her comedy and I love that she made it as a female comic when they were so rare. I read her autobiography. I used to watch her talk show. I even forgave her for all that yucky plastic surgery. But when she acted like a spoiled baby on Celebrity Apprentice last week, I couldn't take it anymore.

I'm done with heroes! Sob!

Friday Five

2009-04-25T01:01:48Z

1. So it's a little late notice, but I'm performing stand-up comedy tonight at 8:30 at Ballroom Is Back in Costa Mesa, CA.

2. I participated in my first comedy roast last night for my friend's birthday party. It was really fun!

3. I heard from a good friend from Junior High. Cool! I should get on Facebook one of these days so I can connect with more old friends.

4. Authors of adult fiction might act snobby to us authors of teen and children's fiction, but I know I'm luckier than they are because I get terrific fan mail like the letter I got yesterday from a child fan.

5. I don't know what feeling is stronger: My love for Adam of American Idol or my dislike for Coach of Survivor.