Debra Garfinkle's Journal

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Four things about last night's Biggest Loser
1. Thank gawd it lasted "only" an hour and a half, down from its usual two hours.

2. For Danny's makeover, Tim Gunn put him in an argyle vest last seen on a five-year-old boy fifty years ago and a flowery pastel blouse like my grandma's, may she rest in peace. Why, Tim Gunn, why?

3. Liz is catty and holds a grudge. So I love her.

4. I watched the show while splayed on my couch, eating spoonfuls of Nutella straight from the jar. Don't judge me.

Triple Aww!
Nice people totally rule!

1: After I sent a friend a long, whiny, miserable email when I was stressed out last week, she sent me back a sympathetic email and didn't even mention what a champion complainer I can be. (If complaining were in the Olympics, I'd get at least a Bronze.) Aww!

2: For my birthday, hubby not only bought me Kathy Griffin concert tickets, he said he'd go with me. I love Kathy Griffin. What makes the gift even sweeter is that hubby may be the only staight male in the audience. Aww!

3. My girlfriend from back when we worked as lawyers together bought and read every single one of my books for teens. She is neither a teen nor a writer, but wanted to support me. Aww!

Why, yes, I am procrastinating
Start your Saturday with a quiz! I know you want to.

What do the following celebs have in common?
Sean Penn, Paula Abdul, Keri Russell, Maya Rudolph, Pink, Adam Lambert, Shia LaBeouf, Zac Efron, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Scarlet Johansson.

Edna
Finally cold enough in Orange County to break out the sweaters!

My best friend is a rubber chicken
Signing my very important autograph at Granada Elementary School last Spring:

Friday Five
1. Am I the only one happy that leggings are back in style? It was the only '80s fashion that looked okay on me. It beats bare midriffs and shoulder pads, right?

2. The CA budget cuts have devastated my kids' schools, with 37 kids in my fourth-grader's class, the entire budget wiped out for my daughter's Academic Decathlon group, etc. But there's a silver lining: The middle school can no longer afford MyAccess.com, alias Satan, the computer program that graded essays by giving the most points for wordiness and multi-syllabic words.

3. Cool Guy, the goldfish my son "won" over a year ago, now has a goldfish playmate named Shrimp Shman. I'm such a pushover.

4. I loved the blindside on Survivor last night. Deep dark secret: Russell is kind of growing on me in a way.

5. A test to see if you're still reading this (though you may have skimmed to the end): Today's my birthday.

Oy
The note I sent to my fourth-grader's teacher yesterday:

My son has permission to take home one of the class goldfish.

Sincerely,

Debby Garfinkle, Pushover

Happy Halloween
I hope this Halloween goes better than last year's. Our youngest didn't tell us he felt sick because he really, really wanted candy. Five minutes into trick-or-treating, he threw up at the front door of our neighbor, who is also our rabbi.

Short and, well, not exactly sweet. But short.
Here's a fun interview with moi, in which I talk about one of the worst years of my life, among other things. No, really, it's fun.

Haiku book reviews
OFFICIAL BOOK CLUB SELECTION by Kathy Griffin, a memoir
The book is even
better than her show because
it’s funny AND deep.

THE BOOK OF JOE by Jonathan Tropper, a novel
Very clever hook:
Joe must face bridges he burned.
The writing’s great too.

THE TOUCH by F. Paul Wilson, a so-called thriller
Read it for book club.
Fake characters but good plot.
Meh. Just not my thing.

I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE DOING THIS by Bob Newheart, a memoir
A classy memoir
from a man whose "overnight
success" took ten years.

BLAME by Michelle Huneven, a novel
Ex-con straightens out.
Great settings, prose, and plot twist.
But episodic.

HOW I BECAME A FAMOUS NOVELIST by Steve Hely, a novel
Slacker tries to write
a highly commercial book.
It’s hilarious!

THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT by Diana and Liz Welch, a memoir
Four orphaned siblings
each took turns narrating this
fascinating book

THE OPPOSITE OF LOVE by Julie Buxbaum, a novel
Good chick lit novel
that got a half-mil advance.
I’m still not sure why.

Fool!
Why, why, why didn't I learn my lesson after being scared to death reading the Ted Bundy bio? I'm now reading Columbine and it's re-scaring me to death.

Wake me when Survivor comes on
I had such a nice day yesterday. The librarians at Covina library couldn't have been more helpful. They brought in a nice and nice-sized crowd of adults, children, and live, actual teens. I'm sure the biggest draw was the munchies in the back of the room. This 12-year-old boy asked so many intelligent questions, I've hired him to go to all my speaking gigs.

Then I went out with my girlfriends, where we laughed, gossiped, spilled our deepest secrets, and even fended off a drunk guy til late at night.

Now, though, I'm exhausted. Plus, my son keeps coming up with more and more people he absolutely has to invite to his bar mitzvah. We might as well just pass out flyers to every kid at his school.

Moi plus six other things
I've been self-promoting way too much lately, but all these events kind of came up at once. Sorry. So there's one more upcoming event featuring moi and it's free and I won't even be selling books there. I'll be speaking about writing and publishing at the Covina Library in L.A. (234 N. 2nd Ave.) tomorrow from four o'clock to five o'clock. Please come if you're nearby.

Moving on now:

1. Balloon boy's dad: Eww! I don't know what was worse: that he made his kids lie, that he made his kid hide for many hours, or that he ignored his kid when he was throwing up. Not to mention the tax money wasted.

2. The media: Eww! Even if the kid were in the balloon, does coverage of that take precedence over things like the Iraq War, Health Care issues, etc.

3. Over half my son's soccer team-- including my son-- had the flu last weekend. They had to forfeit the game. It's definitely going around here in Orange County, CA.

4. My fourth grader has 37 kids in his class. They split up into math groups every day, and there are 44 kids in that. It's bad! I start volunteering in the classroom tomorrow.

5. He is going to be a hot dog for Halloween. Such a cute costume! I made it myself. Just kidding. I don't do crafts. But whoever manufactured it for Party City did a good job.

6. Anyone seen the TV show Modern Family? I haven't watched a sitcom in years, but I'm loving this one. So funny!

Moi plus actual good comedians
Hey, So. Cal. people. I made it to the semifinal round of the Orange County's Funniest Person contest! The semifinals are tomorrow. Please come see moi and actual good comedians at the Renaissance Hotel in Aliso Viejo.

And I have a Mom About Town column due Thursday
On Friday, I'm giving an inspirational speech about writing children's books at a Catholic elementary and middle school.

On Saturday, I'm doing stand-up comedy for the over-18 crowd.

I just pray I don't accidentally do a stand-up joke at the Catholic school.

Ya think?

Maybe I should clean my desk one of these days.

Sigh
Yesterday, spent two hours and half my kids' college fund getting my hair cut and highlighted. No one noticed.

Oh, joy!
For some weird reason, I've gotten fan emails for every one of my books this week. From different people-- adults, teens, and kids. Who don't even know me personally. Who I don't think were paid to email me.

It just really makes my day to find out a reader likes what I wrote. And it's the third most effective thing to get me motivated to plug away at a new manuscript. (The first most effective thing is a deadline. The second most is coffee.)

I'm also so grateful to libraries that carry my books long after they've vanished from bookstores. Thank you, libraries!

If you like a not very famous author's work, why not send an email saying so? I bet you'll make his/her day. Also, it's nice to post a good review on Amazon.com or a similar site.

Hmm, I think I have some fan emails to write.

Friday Five
1. I tried a new book club last night. The people were quite nice, but they said they hated book clubs where the members heavily analyzed the books. Sob! I love book clubs that heavily analyze books!

2. Watched The Biggest Loser for the first time ever this season. Besides the fact that the show needs to go on a diet and be edited down to half its duration and that I've never seen such ridiculously blatant product placement in my life, I liked it. And not just because watching it makes me feel skinny.

3. Survivor didn't record last night! Sob! I hope it's online. Don't tell me what happened. But was it good? Did Russell slit anyone's throats yet?

4. So nice to work out my psychological issues while writing. Completely coincidentally, my main character has the same problem I did when I was a kid.

5. Just practiced telling my relatives, "No, you're not in my book. It's fiction, completely fiction."

It's rubber chicken time
My fourth-grader's teacher collects rubber chickens (as do I) and has them all over the classroom. What are the odds of that!

And speaking of rubber chickens, here's a really fun one-minute video review of my first Supernatural Rubber Chicken book. I don't even know the guy or his enthusiastic son, honest!